Triggering Memories

I am a daddy’s girl.. plain and simple.

I adore my daddy. He’s been gone from this life since I was 20 (I will be 40 in October) but I still adore him and miss him daily. He was a good daddy to me.

When Daddy died, my world crashed around me. I didn’t think I could go on without him. That’s the first time I can remember being truly depressed. Since his death, I remember all the good times.. not the weeks leading up to his death. While those memories are precious, I try to remember him full of life and doing cart wheels. (yes, he did them anywhere and everywhere.. He also yodeled. A lot).

Last Saturday, a family friend passed away from complication due to AIDS.  While I love this person and am sad he is gone from this earth, my reaction to his death is not what I would expect based on my relationship.

Knowing he died the same way my daddy did though, brought back all the bad memories of Daddy’s death. I also became outraged that almost 20 years later someone I care about died the same way. There should be a cure by now! I hope I am alive when that happens.. It needs to happen in my lifetime.

Memories are amazing. A smell can take me back to moment so vividly I feel like I am reliving a moment. It’s both a strange and amazing experience when it happens.

I think memories, both good and mad, help make us better people. The events we live through in life make us who we are as people.

The way you choose to react to events of your life also matter when it comes to how the events shape you as a person. As a twin, I have seen first hand how perspective matters. From birth, she and I have lived through the exact same things yet our memories are so different. It’s all how we perceived what was happening and it’s fascinating.

I would love to write a book about our lives (it could be a soap opera!) together.

For example, a chapter titled: “Daddy’s Goodbye”… Part one would be how I remember the events….How I perceived what was happening and what I chose to remember about those final weeks. Part two would be the same thing in my sister’s words. I would like to find a mental health professional to weigh in for a part three of each chapter.

Personally, I think it would be beyond intriguing.  Now, to get the womb mate on board and DO IT!

Tonight, I will head home to Chattanooga to attend the funeral of our family friend tomorrow. I am looking forward to seeing people I haven’t seen since I’ve reached adult hood and most of all, of seeing my momma, sisters, nieces and nephews…



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